


SAINW Drabbles

by staringatstars



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Episode: s03e21 Same As It Never Was, Gen, Mentions of Death, might make it it's own story eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:12:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4295460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staringatstars/pseuds/staringatstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1) The Hamato brothers return to home base in time to see whatever movie a couple of April's rebels are planning on watching. Turns out, they're not entirely sure what's on the tape, and if they'd known, they'd never have watched it. </p><p>2) What were the last words the brothers said to Donatello?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the last page of dinosaurish's SAINW fanfiction, _Disappear._

Happy chatter fades into silence moments after Michelangelo enters the room with his war torn older brothers and Donatello. It’s a mess out there. Raph has burns along the sides of his arms from a few near misses and Donnie’s covered in mud from when he had to roll into a ditch to dodge a grenade. They’re tired, aching, and the last thing Mikey wants to see when he’s walking into headquarters is his men popping a tape into their garbage picked VHS and chewing popcorn like it’s date night. 

They stare at him, guilt written all over their faces.

Twenty-year- old Lance speaks first. “Hey, Cap. Welcome back. We were just about to watch a movie General Rowan suggested.” By his side, Rico nods vehemently. Basically, they were trying to shift the blame for goofing off to a superior officer.

Donnie watches in disbelief as the two young rebels practically cower while they wait for Mikey’s reaction, then feels his jaw go slack when he realizes that Michelangelo is actually glowering down at them, as though he’s debating what condiments he’s going to need when he chews them up and eats them for breakfast.

It turns out to be for show, though, because his hardened younger brother slumps, throws a helpless shrug in Raph and Leo’s direction, then hops on the couch. “Push the movie in. Considering General Rowan’s feelings towards me and mutants in general, it might be better if I saw it with you.”

Raph lets out a snort as he pushes Mikey so he can get a spot on the increasingly crowded couch. “Yeah, right, lamebrain. You just want an excuse to slack off.”

“I’m a captain.” Mikey mutters distractedly, his eyes narrowed on the television, equal parts cautious and curious about what a man who has made it clear time and time again he doesn't trust him as far as he could throw him could want his men to see. “I don’t need an excuse to slack off.”

Since there’s no more room left on the couch unless one of them wants to sit on Raph, Leo and Don end up leaning against the arm rests. 

The tape pops in and the old television makes a whirring noise, a picture forming from the grouping of static into a head and one arm.

Mikey jumps out of his seat, heart slamming in his chest. “Turn it off!”

At the same time, the one-armed mutant on the screen screams. “I didn’t mean to kill her!”

Behind him, Mikey’s three brothers stiffen at the sight of their youngest sitting in a brightly lit room, the lamp shining directly in squinting eyes, his one whole arm handcuffed to the table, with stress and exhaustion and bone deep grief oozing off him in waves. It doesn’t take a genius to know that the Mikey on the television was being interrogated.

An unfamiliar voice spoke up off-screen. “They found you cradling her body, Michelangelo. Are you honestly trying to tell me that after spending most of your life in hiding, you don’t hold even the slightest grudge against humans? That the thought of harming one has never crossed your mind?”

The Mikey on the screen gives a heavy sigh. Who knows how long he’s been answering the same questions over and over again? “I never said that.” In the present day, Michelangelo’s men, who are very much human, tense, throwing him hesitant, anxious glances. Instead of trying to stop the video again, Mikey just lets it play. Stopping it now would only make things worse. “But I’m also not going to kill a little girl because a human hurt my feelings. I know you don’t believe me but we were in the middle of a warzone, I didn’t expect – I thought – she was supposed to be the enemy.”

The mutant in the interrogation room is breaking, words and thoughts becoming more difficult as fatigue catches up with him. There’s an empty look in his eyes that, Donnie notes, has never entirely left. 

Mikey stares at the screen, his face oddly blank as tears begin to track down his other self's cheeks. It doesn’t faze him in the slightest when the television suddenly flicks off. Raph pulls his finger off the power switch, grabs the tape, and breaks it in half. 

The air hangs heavy in the silence the video left behind, until finally Leo turns to Mikey and says quietly, “Where were we?”

A small, hollow smile stretches the skin Michelangelo’s face, emphasizing all the wrinkles and lines a lifetime of mourning has carved into him, and he shakes his head. “You’d know that better than me, Leo.”

After that, his brothers don't press him. They don't force him to explain or relive what had happened. Because they know him. They know he'd never hurt a child on purpose and they know just how disorienting the fog of war can be. 

Later, he's going to have to talk to Privates Lance and Rico. Make sure they know that he doesn't bare a grudge against humans, since he can't expect them to trust him with their lives if they doubt him. Later, he's going to move past this. Be the soldier he has to be.

For now, all four of his brothers are piled around him, warm and living and _together._ And they can't keep the monsters away. 

But they can help him fight them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someday, I'd like to expand this into a real story. Mostly because I like the idea of a high ranking officer in April's army that doesn't trust Michelangelo because he's a mutant and actively tries to discredit him. Normally, April would just get rid of him, but Mikey says he can deal with a little harassment and it's fine. Plus, General Rowan has military experience and weapons, two things they desperately need. 
> 
> The second reason is thinking of an older Mikey dealing with kids in the lower ranks who are in their late teens or early twenties and rambunctious as puppies makes me smile. I kind of see him as this exasperated older brother/father figure who beats himself up if anything bad happens to any of them. April's army is his family and losing any of them is like losing Donnie all over again.


	2. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fill for the prompt "the last time they saw Donatello."

It figured that when Donatello needs some milk for his cereal, there’s barely a sip left of the gallon he’d bought just two days ago. From where he stood, he could see the two likeliest suspects playing video games on the couch.

“Come on, Raph! Is that all ya got? My grandma’s faster than you,” Mike taunted, his body swaying with the direction of his racecar.

Raph hunched over his controller, his gaze intent on the screen. “Hope you’re ready ‘cuz I’m gonna make you eat those words.”

Honestly, it was like living with two oversized children. “Guys,” Donatello said as he stalked out of the kitchen, his hands on his hips, “did you drink all the milk?”

“Don’t look at me!” Mikey pointed a finger at Raph. “Tough stuff here used it for his girly drink.” A quick glance to the side gave Mike enough time to dodge his brother’s swipe.

Shaking his head, Raph retorted, “It’s called a latte and it was for April, genius. Who was in there making five chocolate smoothies, huh?”

Unashamed, Mike threw Donnie a quick smirk. “Totally worth it, dude.”

Donatello rolled his eyes as he went to grab his coat and wallet. “Guess I’ll have to go out to get more. It shouldn’t take more than an hour. Try not to wreck the place while I’m gone.”

_Mike, please, you have to finish._

Something uneasy flashed across Mikey’s face. He paused the game. “Hey, Don… why don’t you let me go? You always do the grocery shopping, why not let a real turtle have a go at it?” There was a forced cheer in his tone that put Donnie on edge.

“Well, it’s great,” and unexpected, “that you’re offering, Mikey, but I really think I should –“

Raph leapt off the couch. “Look, if anyone’s going it’s me, alright? It was always supposed to be me.” Mikey glared at him while Don scratched his head in confusion.

“Uh, guys? I’m just going grocery shopping. It’s not a suicide mission.” The way they were acting wasn’t adding up. Why was Mikey looking at him like he might never see him again? Fists clenched at his sides, Raph refused to give any answers or even meet his eyes. What was going on? “Guys? If this is some sort of prank- _oof!”_

Without warning, Mikey ran forward and threw his arms around him. “We love you, bro. You’re the best brother in the whole wide world. You – You know that, right?”

_Mikey! I know that isn’t what happened. Tell me the truth._

_Fine. But the truth isn’t much._

Once he had his coat on, Don called out, “I’m heading out to restock the fridge. Try not to break anything while I’m gone.” No answer. “Guys?” His brothers weren’t listening, too involved in their dumb video game. Didn’t they know that killed brain cells? Not that Mikey had much to worry about.

“Hey, Donnie,” the self-proclaimed video game champion called without taking his eyes off the screen, “don't forget to buy milk I think we’re out.”

“I noticed,” Dontello replied dryly. 

Instead of using his words, Raph grunted. That was about the best you could get from him when he was focusing. As Don watched, Raph’s red car pulled up the ranks until it was neck and neck with Mikey’s little orange one.

He knew that if he pulled Leo out of the dojo, he’d at least get a “Come home, safe” but it seemed like a silly reason to disturb his brother’s meditation. He wasn’t going to be gone that long, anyway. With one last glance at his brothers, he walked out of the lair.

None of them even noticed when he left.

_What kind of brother can’t look away from the TV for two seconds? The last thing I ever said to him was ‘don’t forget to buy milk?’ What is he- my servant? Raph didn’t even say anything to him. He just grunted like a caveman. And Leo never saw him. He walked out of our lives forever, April. And we weren't paying attention._

_You couldn’t have known._

_Did you know it took us three hours to go out searching for him? We thought maybe he’d gone to your house, but Don’s not like that. If he went to hang with you, he’d have told us, called us. If we’d just gotten looking sooner-_

_You don’t know that._

_Why not, April?! Why don’t I know? He’s my brother. I should have known if he was in trouble. I should have known if he needed me. I should know if he died._

_Real life doesn’t work like that. Sometimes, we lose people, people we care about, and we never know why or what happened. But you have to stop torturing yourself. Your men need you- I need you. Promise me you are never again going to needlessly put your life at risk the way you did today._

_…April, I’m-_

_Promise me, Michelangelo!_


	3. Family

_"Hey, Raph?"_

_I spin around in my seat, annoyed by my little brother's continued disregard for any rule I spell out for him. The big one being: Stay out of my room. "What do you want, Mikey?" He hovers in the doorway, nervous in a way that I've come to associate with him trying to find the right way to ask me for something that the others have already said no to. "If you're looking for a favor, I can tell ya now you've come to the wrong place."_

_He sniffs, offended. "I'm not here for a favor." Then he just stops speaking, that weird nervousness making him fidget in the doorway and setting me on edge._

_Finally, I grant him my full attention. "Look, you can either spit out whatever's bothering you, or I can ask Donnie to make me a lock."_

_He plops down on my floor, his clear blue eyes looking up at me seriously as he says, "Master Splinter doesn't allow locks on our doors."_

_I flick his forehead. "Spill or out."_

_Instead of answering right away, he rocks himself, shifting his weight from side to side the way a ship would in choppy waters. "Master Splinter and the Shredder," whether I want them to or not, my thoughts immediately fly to the spar, the fight, the fire, "they used to be really close, right? Like brothers?"_

_"Where you going with this, Mike?" It's hard to keep the anger out of my voice, but I do what I can to keep it calm, even. He'll just clam up if he thinks I'm gonna yell at him._

_Except this entire conversation has been like pulling teeth. Never thought I'd ever have to work this hard to get my brother to talk. Normally, it's getting him to shut up that's the issue._

_He hugs himself, tucks his chin under his folded arms, and pulls his knees close to his chest. "How do we know we're never going to end up like them? How do we know we're never going to hate each other one day?" The next part comes out muffled, low, like he doesn't really want me to hear it, "What if you bros leave me behind?"_

_"Never gonna happen." It's one of the only times I can say I'm proud of my big mouth because Mikey perks up immediately. "We're family. No matter what happens, we'll always have each other's backs. That's just the way we roll. So don't ever get it into that empty head of yours that we'd leave you behind."_

 

Michelangelo wakes up in a cold sweat, the way he always does when the past comes back to haunt him. He's in the same dive hotel he fell asleep in, with the same smell of cigarettes and sweat, the same lingering tang of spilled blood in the air, and the same alarm clock that blares like a siren in the early hours. It's nearly given him a heart attack more than once. Growling, he yanks the plug out of the wall, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction when the noise cuts short mid-wail and silences reins once more.

Before he can settle back into bed, his pager vibrates against his hip. Years of keeping an ear out for ninjas in the dark, knives in the shadows, have turned him into a light sleeper, nothing like the dead-to-world log he was when he was a kid, but it still felt good to know that April could always reach him when she needed him.

It sure would be nice, though, if she could need him a little less. He hasn't even been asleep for five hours. And if you can't get a solid eight hours under the iron rule of a megalomaniac, then when can you?

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he gropes blindly for the walkie-talkie on the improvised cardboard nightstand next to him. Most of the furniture was ransacked or burned within the first few months of the Shredder's reign. "What's up, Rebel Leader? Got another mission for me?" There's a tired rasp to the words and he coughs. A good soldier never gives anything less than his best, after all.

"There's a disturbance in the streets," April replies, crisp and alert as always. Something tells him she hasn't been sleeping again.

There's a creak in his joints that pops and crackles when he throws his legs over the side, his muscles still sore from yesterday's disturbance. "Isn't there always?"

There's a short pause where someone shouts unintelligibly in the background. "Not like this, Mikey. Someone out there is taking out Foot-bots."

And even though she's technically his superior and he shouldn't groan, she's his sister first and foremost. She's family. Actually, she's better than family, because unlike his real family, she didn't leave him behind. So it's okay if he groans a little. "Why are you saying that like it's a bad thing? Last I checked we encouraged that sort of behavior in our men."

"That's the thing. He's not one of ours. We don't know who he is, only that he's fighting alone and the Shredder wants him. And if the Shredder wants him, we need to find him first." Like playing keep away with a homicidal dictator. Well, logically, it sounded like the right move. And one of the resistance's favorite activities was making sure the Shredder never got what he wanted. "Oh and Mikey?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful. Based on what little we've managed to intercept, the Foot-bots are being ordered to search for a rogue mutant called Donatello." He stops breathing. "It might be a trick to lure you out, so do not engage unless you're certain he needs our help. Until then, stick to the shadows."

It's been a long time since either of them mentioned that name. There was a time when the slightest hint that his older brother was hiding or captured or lost would drive him, push him to search every dark ally way, every Foot base, every basement and sewer tunnel in the city. There was a time when hope kept him going. But those times were over.

"Got it, April. I'm on my way." Well, that's what he tells himself, at least. Truth is, he was hooked the instant she said his name, just like always.

It was probably just another trick. Donnie wasn't coming back. He was gone, and Raph and Leo had turned their backs on every painful reminder he and Master Splinter had left behind. They weren't family, anymore. They didn't have his back, they didn't have each other's backs, and chances were they didn't have their own backs, either, but if they wanted to mope and brood until something bigger than them, stronger than them, and meaner than them came to put them out of their misery, then that was their decision. Michelangelo wanted no part of it. Unlike them, he wasn't done fighting. Not as long as there was still something to fight for, not as long as April still needed him.

As far as he's concerned, she's the only family he has left, so he limbers up, straps on his nunchucks, works out the kinks in his shoulders, and then steps out into whatever fresh new hell he'll have to face in a world dying under the Shredder's rule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the first part is definitely in the past, but the characterization is definitely leaning more towards the 2012 turtles than the 2003. I just really like Raph and Mikey's relationship in that series and since I wanted Mike to confide in him, those were the versions of the characters that I went with. Sure, the Shredder's and Splinter's relationship was already falling apart by the time of the turtles came across them in the past, but the deterioration of their relationship had to plant at least a little bit of doubt them. They can tell themselves the Shredder was evil from the start, but that's not actually true. Just like Raph told Mikey they'd always stick together, before Donnie disappeared and their lives fell apart, the Shredder might have told Yoshi something similar when they were boys. So, naturally, that line of thought led to another SAINW drabble.
> 
> Also, SAINW April is amazing.


End file.
